andthericheattoo's Xanga

Want

Fri, 29 May 2009 06:59:32 GMT

I want to say a lot of things.
I want to know what it was like then.
What were the thoughts during those photographs where outfits were worn and poses were planted?
And why do I feel like I wrote before I knew.
I can't help but dig too deep.
I want to know.

Here it went

Wed, 20 May 2009 05:30:31 GMT

Plan went into action.
Plan happened.
I waited, watched, wondered.
Here I am.
I guess we'll just see what happens next, huh?
I just want God to be glorified.
I can handle it as long as He is glorified.
He is Good and His Mercy endures forever.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Thu, 14 May 2009 03:15:54 GMT

I've got a plan. I hope it's the right kind.
We'll see.

Revolving to where.

Wed, 06 May 2009 05:00:06 GMT

I feel like I'm wearing out.
You that feeling that precedes the sentence "I don't think I can handle this." That plus internal friction. I want it to go away, but I know that it will be better for me in the long run to accept that I feel this way and let it sharpen me. I know God Loves me and won't let me fall apart, and that is more than enough. So I'm going to try and hold onto that and hope to learn what to do.

And so it goes...

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 06:13:01 GMT

A place inside me just woke up.
I think I need to put some old things to rest.
Oh, The Hostetters. How I miss them.

Subtle Like A T-Rex

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 06:22:21 GMT

"...you know. Slaying dragons and building forts."
"You didn't slay any dragons."
"Yes I did. There were dragons."
"Where did you grow up?"
"...Uh, here."
"There aren't any dragons here."
"Yeah. I know. I slayed them all."

Slew. I slew them all...I need to work on my grammar, Gramma.
I think tonight is the first time I've drank a beer, smoked a cigarette, and listened to The Murder City Devils all at once, and been old enough to. Funny. That was a bit of a dream of mine when I was 15 or 16. Took a while, huh?

I hope that someday, I can do something as a job that requires my brain or something other than standing for five or six hours.
Yeah.
I know.
I got it pretty easy.
I work part time...
I don't want to work part time...
But, I am.
And it's ok.
Really. It isn't that bad.
I just need to remind myself of that more often.

I like the idea of coming home after doing something that resembles a job or something to a cozy house with a child to run up and say "Daddy! Daddy!" and a wife who says "Jer! Jer!"
That's what I want to be when I get to be.
Doesn't everyone? Deep down inside?

Think about it.
It's going to be strange...
Or something.

I'm about tired enough to go the foot and a half to my bed.
Have a swell time.

Love,
jer

Of all the days in mind

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 08:07:39 GMT

Today is the first day of December. Only a few weeks before Christmas. And then a week until New Years Day. That's when all is quiet, so says the Bono.
I remember the first of December, 2007 pretty well. Chester's funeral. A cold, long day at the coffee house. Shoveling outside the coffee house, because it was the first day of any snow worth mentioning. Jon Miller.
Stuff.
It's funny to think that it was a year ago. It was an easy day to remember, I'll give it that. But, it's strange that it could have been April. I know it wasn't, but if I didn't know any better, it could have been. What's up with that? Why has time sped up? Or is it just my perception...
I am going to bed.

P.S. At Lagers, there was a bunch of pages stapled together. The first thing on the front page said (roughly) "Death, Sadness, The dealing of, and the Elderly" or something like that. It belonged to a nursing student.
FUN!

2008 - The Year Of The Hug

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 08:00:19 GMT

Here's a brief recap of the last year...It's almost up, you know. Only a month and a half until 2009. I know, I might be thinking the same thing. "What! It's almost 2009?! What happened to Y2K? What happened to Space Travel? What happened to Myrthco!?"
Anyways, we (at least Dan C. and I) have been referring to 2008 as The Year Of The Hug, because we, sadly, were kicked in the face into thinking about how important it is to take notice of people. To let them know that they are alive and we find joy in their existence. You know what I'm saying? I bet you do. It's part of being human. We want other humans to know we exist. Why? I'm not sure, but I think a lot of it stems from love. Really. I can't think of a better reason. Being loved is pretty nice, don't you agree?
Anyways. So that's been an ongoing task. I think a lot has changed with my perception and appreciation in this last year. At least, I feel like things have changed. God's been working in me for the better. At least I hope so. I'm not trying to brag about how nice I am, I'm just thinking about how great God is and how drastic He changes peoples lives. Mine and yours, you know?*
So there's that. I want to keep going about the last year, but I can't think of anything that's more important. I found a church I like. I've thought about becoming a pastor again. I've considered moving. I guess all the other things I considered writing didn't seem to have much purpose in comparison to the importance of loving people. I want out of this repetition. Maybe I'll organize a "Free Hug" crew and hit up the neighborhoods. Anyone want to join? Let's go!
love,
brother jer

p.s. i just found THIS. I didn't know there was an actual movement. Wow. What a place we live in!

*I keep saying things like "don't you agree" and "you know" because I want you to know that I'm talking to you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have written this.

Rene Descartes

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 19:19:50 GMT

He once said "I think, therefore I am." Most interpretations of this phrase have become "I think____, Therefore I am___" During the "Age of Enlightenment" There were a few who thought "I think I am God, therefore I am God."
Not really.
It was said in reference to Descartes' existence. It was because of doubt. Even though he sometimes doubted his existence, he knew that because he was a thinking being, he existed. He also applied to faith, if my memory is correct.
Here's what i'm getting at. Even though sometimes i think that i'm slipping and failing and i'm tired and weak, there is a greater reality. The reality of what God said. It's at those moments when i become my strongest, because it isn't my strength, but the strength of The Lord within me, carrying me across the barren desert i face. Even though i think something, the reality could be very different, but i still think. But God is bigger than my brain.

I really just wanted to write something. I just wanted to force myself into a place of thinking about God's great mercy, and that famous Descartes quote came to mind. God is, and through Him, i am.

here we go again...?

Sun, 25 May 2008 07:29:13 GMT

i was riding my bike home at about 2:30 am. some guys in a truck threw something at me. i didn't like it.

i just read thomas' blog about how maybe no one really reads these things, and you know what? it was kind of an eye-opening experience. i have absolutely no idea if anyone will read this. in fact, even if some body does, is this a reality? or am i just making this all up. we put ourselves at the mercy of the writer so often on the internet (and anywhere else, come to think of it) that we forget that we really just have to say "ok, if you say so. but, please don't lie to me." oh, how easy it would be to toy with people's minds. but, out of respect for humanity, some of us are as honest as possible. maybe we just write these blogs for ourselves but in such a way that other people can read them just to know what goes on inside someone else's brain. or maybe i'm just digging to deep.

i could put myself on display just for a moment. just to see who will react, who will respond, but there isn't much of a point to put such pride in the me that i am. really, sometimes it's just nice to purge my thoughts on to paper (i know i know...this isn't paper) and not give a second thought to it. here it goes.
there are moments on nights like tonight when i look up at the moon and just pray. i think of all the things that have gone well in the day, all the things The Lord has done for me. i ask Him to fill the space in my life that has been reserved. i know that patience is a virtue, and that cliche exists for a reason, because it's true. i know that the space will be filled, but it's a little difficult to not get distracted, or impatient, which essentially are the same thing in this case. i have plenty of time, i know, but making sure that i don't waste that time is something that needs a little work. pray for me, if you feel so inclined. if you read this.
love,
brother jer